Saturday, February 18, 2012

So Not Myself....

I am no stranger to things happening in my life: death, loss, illness, you know the bad stuff...but this divorce may kill me in the end.  I am in FL to get things done and nothing is going my way.  My very good friend came with me to help me drive back as I will have a uhaul, but he has been so much more for me.  Yesterday I lost it and I am ashamed of myself.  My friend saw me in a way no one has seen me and looking back that scares me.  I have always dealt with stress, disappointment and life altering issues very well, but this got to me yesterday.  Let me just say I didn't like it.  I truly see it today and can't apologize enough to my friend, but of course he just smiles hugs me and says: "its about time you proved to be human in a really bad time".  He has never faltered and for that I am the luckiest person on this you have someone like that?  Someone that can see you at your most worst, in a place in your life you thought you would never be and then handle so bad?  I hope someone like my friend Malcom on everybody.

Oh and btw I didn't bring my scale and there isn't one here to use, so I am scaleless out here and it is scary.  I am eating good and not drinking a lot and I was up yesterday at 5 in the gym running.....yes I said running.  It felt good.  I think I will go do that now.  Not run out of frustration, anger or pity, but out of happiness and joy that I will get through this and yes SURVIVE........

Have a good day my peeps.


  1. You know I think at some point in our lives we are in titled to a meltdown!

    With that said, stress really does a number on us. You are going through a very difficult time.

    I think it's perfectly fine to acknowledge that sometimes we do have meltdowns and we don't have to beat ourselves up over it. We are only human.

    Best wishes.


  2. You are a warrior! But even warriors falter sometimes because they are HUMAN. Human is good. Vulnerable is good. It takes you to a place where there is nowhere to go but up. You can do this girl. We are all here for you.

  3. At the worst times, we all show parts of ourselves we would rather we didn't. I am glad you have someone with you to help you be strong. Love and support is fantastic but sometimes you just need that physical presence. Much love xx

  4. Divorce is Very hard, it brings out the worst in people. You are human. If things didn't get to you it would only mean you didn't really care about your marriage. Your grieving and angry. Don't be ashamed to let it show. It will make you stronger in the long run!

  5. Sorry you're going through a hard time! Glad you had your friend there with you!

  6. Thanks everyone. Your comments bring joyful tears to my eyes..never change.